I have to take back what I wrote before. R is not quite there yet, in terms of settling in. In fact, I thought at first she was simply tired from the flight and so on, but I think the source of a lot of her recent tantrums and meltdowns (and, yes, there have been many) has actually been the move itself.

I've moved so many times, it never occurred to me that it can be a distressing experience for others. In fact, I was surprised to read that moving homes is considered a traumatic experience, second only to losing a loved one. And to a baby, who has only known one home her entire life, having everything change abruptly, without any warning--well, it was stupid of me not to think that she might become scared and upset.

Another huge change in R's life is that her dad isn't going to be around much anymore. A and I knew this was coming, but there's really been no way to prepare R for the fact that in Japan, her dad's work life is his whole life, and, she and I, we're just...well, leftover bits, I'm afraid.

In California, A used to come home, on average, around 11pm. We both had a good laugh over that, in the beginning. The first time it happened, I scrambled off the couch in shock and asked what he was doing home so early. Then we got used to the luxury, and took for granted the fact that A was able to wake up a bit earlier in the mornings to spend an hour with R.

Well, yesterday night, I think I heard A come in around 4am. And this morning, I don't blame him that he jumped off the couch about five minutes before he had to rush out the front door again. I understood and sympathized. But R held out her arms for her dad and cried when he wouldn't hold her because he had to get dressed, and then she stood at the door sobbing for a long time after he left. It was so painful to watch, the look of sheer hurt on her tear-stained face. She pretty much stayed mad and upset the rest of the morning until nap time and then refused to sleep.

I know she'll eventually get used to our new home, the new neighborhood, the new language, the new people, and even the absence of her father. But I feel anxious about that last one. How will she feel as she gets older? Will she resent her dad for never being around (or always sleeping when he is)? Will she be like the typical Japanese teenage girl who pretty much loathes her father and has a terrible relationship with him?

I remember one Japanese mom telling me that her husband worked so much that one Saturday morning, her son woke up to find his dad in the kitchen and started crying because he didn't know who this strange person was. He had forgotten his father. This is a pretty common story in this country.

But seeing the way R cried today for her dad, it made me realize that no matter how hard I try to make up for A's absence, it will never be enough. She needs her dad, just as much as her mom. The way I see it, in the wild, a young creature dependent on just one adult for security is in a very tenuous position. To a baby, I think the more adults surrounding him or her, the safer she feels. I wonder if I should encourage A's parents to spend more time with us during the weekdays. As hard as it is sometimes to relax when one's in-laws are around, for R's sake, I might just have to suck it up and deal with it.